10 Things I work on to avoid being a
Loser, I mean perfectionist…
1. All or nothing thinking: This is a self defeating game in itself but don’t confuse this with being completely invested in what you are doing.
There is no such thing as being half pregnant, and there is no room for that style of thinking if you are going to get your Creative Success Mechanism cranking.
Being All In simply means you are fully invested mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. You have moved past thinking about something and become committed to the cause.
All or nothing thinking is different, it is the mindset of “Nothing is ever good enough…”.
This used to be a big problem for me. I never started anything that I couldn’t see my way to the finish.
It was sandbagging really, I was so worried about looking perfect that I wouldn’t start anything that I didn’t have a perfect chance of completing.
I was the ultimate champion at failure avoidance because of this. With the added luxury of hindsight, I wish I would have given up this all or nothing thinking a lot sooner.
My last words on this topic:
Start where you are… Use what you have… Do what you can…
That will always be enough.
We have to avoid allowing simple things like this to affect our self esteem.
On the other side of things, if you walk into a room and only see what is wrong with every situation and not all the good stuff, you are being far too critical.
Don’t do it.
3. Pushing too hard: If you have ever heard the saying, “If you want things done right, you have to do them yourself.” this is pretty typical thinking in the camp of perfectionism. Delegate and outsource are the biggest sins in the eyes of the perfectionist but seriously how much can you really achieve doing everything yourself?
There is nothing more powerful than two or more people working together with a common goal. Allow yourself to be pulled sometimes and for heavens sake stop expecting so much from yourself.
Which leads us right into #4.
It is a classic perfectionist move. Expecting to have the ability to do too many things in too short of a time period.
Putting too much on your plate and imposing more on yourself than you would expect from anyone else is a sure sign of perfectionism.
Trying writing a don’t do list instead and be satisfied with what gets accomplished.
5. Obsessing about results: Results are important, I have been results driven my entire life. Yes, sometimes too a fault, that’s why you should trust what I am saying here.
When everything becomes about the result, processes get lost. When you become so focused on the result that you lose track of what happens along the way, the costs often exceed the result anyways.
If you are finding yourself addicted to the result and not enjoying the journey along the way, it’s time to back off. More often than not results improve when we don’t force them anyways…
6. Getting disappointed when not hitting goals: Disappointment leads to discouragement which leads to depression. When we can’t meet our goals there is often more to be learned than when we do. Failure is simply an opportunity to learn and do better, it offers us a series of points to correct our course, re-examine what we are trying to accomplish, change time frames and update expectations.
When I started out as an entrepreneur I would often fall off into depression because I wasn’t hitting my goals. What I eventually learned is that the best laid plans still need to be left open to a certain percentage of uncertainty and with that we need to remain flexible in our thinking.
Just because you don’t hit your goal by a certain date, doesn’t mean that you were wrong in setting the goal, you simply might have been wrong with the timeframe.
Reset the goal, adjust accordingly and instead of getting disappointed, start asking yourself what you can learn from the situation.
As an entrepreneur I learned that start-ups often take twice as long to move through the different stages that you had hoped they would, sometimes you just have to have the courage to let things evolve…
7. Fear of Failure: Perfectionists want things to go right and want things to go their way. I already mentioned above that failure is simply an opportunity to learn.
If you are afraid to fail then you may be missing out on a great opportunity to learn. My biggest lessons in life have always come disguised as setbacks, failures and crushing defeats.
While it may be hard to welcome that sort of stuff into your world, you have to shake off the FEAR (False Emotions Appearing Real) and understand that regardless of outcome, there is incredible value in everything.
“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
9. Getting overly defensive: – Perfectionists like to be right and like to look, well, perfect. Therefore they don’t respond well to criticism. If you find yourself getting upset when scrutinized, guess what, you are suffering from perfectionism.
When we put this front up, we tend to miss out on a lot of opportunity for growth and honestly just a lot of genuine interactivity because who really wants to hang out with someone who has to be right about everything?
It is annoying…
We want to feel good about ourselves, it isn’t wrong, it is just the way that it is. When parts of our lives aren’t going the way we want them to, we often over compensate by trying to make things perfect.
It is yet another self defeating game and sign of perfectionism.
We are all good enough, smart enough and talented enough.
Understand and believe that about yourself.
Look to create more of the things that are working in your life and less of the things that aren’t.
Final Thoughts On Perfectionism:
Our individual success in life rarely comes down to how perfectly we do something the first time but rather how many times we choose to do it. 9 times of 10 it is in the doing that we become better…